Since March is women’s month, I was asked to dedicate this month’s article to women. It was a challenge, considering I have dedicated my coaching practice to work with women find their inner voice and reconnect with their tribes. All my columns are in one way or another directed to women; so how do I pick one specific topic related to women’s month?
During this time, my mind kept going back to a piece of information I had heard years ago, and I knew this was a clue to my next column.
A long , long, long time a ago , during the hunter-gatherer prehistoric era (around 2 million years ago) men would go out in packs to hunt. This required silence to avoid alarming the prey. Women, on the other hand, were busy taking care of their homes and gathering plants. They had the luxury of talking and exchanging experiences and remedies. This is how they learned about life and to survive. Perhaps this is also how an eternal bond among women was created.
In a world governed by patriarchy, women continued to rely on each other. Women are each other’s support, medical resource, education, therapy…etc. This is not to say that women’s circles substitute professional education or professional therapy; this is just one form of support and survival. Even today, it has been observed that no matter how far women advance in life, there is always that yearning for the connection with another woman.
It is heart breaking and sad to hear statements from women, saying “I don’t get along with other women,” or “I don’t like to work with women”. Women’s bond is so powerful that it mirrors our relationship with ourselves. To underestimate that bond, is the loss of great power. Even perhaps a form of giving up incredible gifts that comes by being female. Yes, we have all been hurt by other women and probably have hurt other women as well (let’s just omit the word probably). We have all caused pain to someone whether it was intentional or not.
Frank Andrews, author of The Art and Practice of Loving, says in his book “It seems impossible to love people who hurt and disappoint us, yet there are no other kind of people”. I believe this does not suggest we should remain friends or continue to be in relationships with abusive and toxic women. It just suggests that hurt is part of human connection. Holding on to that hurt or choosing to forgive and move on is another story.
Other reasons that effect our relationships with women:
* Relationship with mother figures. How the mother figure expresses love is inherited to her daughters.
* What we learned from our mother figures. Daughters learn from their surroundings how to interact with other women or how they view other women. Growing up, what attitudes did women around you have towards other women? What current views do you hold now? *You attract women who don’t share your same interest and views in life.
* Feelings of insecurity (feeling of not being good enough, not thin enough…etc.) poor body image will influence how you feel about yourself and about other women.
* Not establishing, holding on or communicating healthy boundaries.
Reflection: in honor of women’s month, what are two action you are willing to take to mend a broken heart: 1) caused by you to another woman,2) caused by another woman to you.
Personal Dedication:I have a mother, 4 amazing sisters , 2 diva nieces with strong leadership skills, 1 fairy daughter , and a few close female friends I love dearly . I am forever grateful for having them in my life and for being a female. Even with all the hardships that come with it , I wouldn’t want to have it any other way.